A Wonderful Beginning

I've been at college for a little over a week and it has inspired me in so many ways! I'm finally situated in the place I'll call home for the next four years.  

I can't get over how incredibly friendly everyone is here! It's a huge change from my high school. The aspect of community here is huge. There is SO much I want to talk about because it's so wonderful! So many new experiences!

It's weird, I know, but I'm not used to people being so nice. And to wanting to get to know me and care about my well-being. Outside of my family, nobody has really been like that before. Only people I've met here have. I haven't been this happy in such a long time! Or free, and relaxed, and...comfortable.

I've found a great group of people who I can be myself with and not worry about being judged. I'm not afraid to leave my comfort zones here and experience all there is this college has to offer. I've experienced gong meditation which is extremely weird, yet relaxing at the same time. I'm getting involved in clubs that I never would have thought would interest me before. It's all about finding out who I am and who I want to be as an individual. I feel that this college is the best place to do that. 

Basically what I've taken away from these past two weeks are: Live in the moment. There's no need to hurry or rush, just go with the flow. Know the obligations and the responsibilities, but don't stress about them, or dwell on them until they happen. Be free, be happy, love life!

Summer of Healing Before College

For the past few days I've been feeling a heck of a lot better than I did after my concussion. I'm able to stand up and walk around on my own now which seems pretty weird that it would be something I'm happy about, but after not being able to for two weeks it's a big deal. I'm actually starting to get back to normal! 

Yesterday my blood work came back and it explains a lot. I found out the reasoning behind why I felt so sick for a week before fainting, as well as the reason why I fainted in the first place. Two irritations called Lyme Disease and Mono are to blame.  

I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason. I happened to get sick this summer because there were underlying things making me feel constantly tired that needed to be fixed to make me better. This way I will be able to be as healthy as possible for college.  So even though I can't go do any physical activity because of my concussion, and I have to take what feels like a ton of medicine for a while to get rid of the sicknesses and boost up my immune system, I'll feel way better when I'm done. That's what I keep telling myself.

Instead of this being the summer full of fun before going off to college, it will be the summer of healing so that I will be able to have an amazing time in college and not have any health issues in my way.

An Exciting Event...yet not in a Good Way

I'm not sure how coherent or creative this post will actually be considering the head trauma I went through within the past few days, but I'll make it work the best I can. This is something that I need to get out in the process of getting better, but it is still frightening to me. 

Here's what happened: 

All last week I was feeling sick. As in absolutely no energy, every joint in my body ached, I had chills, and had a low grade fever. I figured it was only, you know, a summer cold or small sickness that would go away with proper hydration and rest. I'm thinking that I was wrong...

Saturday morning I was up and out of bed by 5:30 am. I hadn't slept well at all that night and I felt sick still. All I wanted to do was take a shower in the hope that being clean would make me feel better. At that point my head was killing me, and I should have known that the headache was worse than it had been. Yet, I just pushed it aside as just being another symptom of being sick and took my hot shower, which turned out to be a bit too hot for someone with a fever. 

I got out and felt like I was seriously going to throw up. It was at the point where you just know its coming and there isn't anything you can do to stop it so you just accept it and brace for the worst. I managed to get dressed before standing at the sink and "seeing stars". Seriously. It isn't an exaggeration or only something that happens in cartoons apparently.

The next thing I knew my parents were waking me up and asking me if I knew where I was. I was mildly confused because it felt like they were waking me up from bed, but then I realized that I was on the bathroom floor and the back of my head was in pain. My mom explained to me that I fell and hit my head so I needed to stay still to wait for the ambulance. After hearing that I was surprisingly calm. Even throughout the rest of the time at the hospital I wasn't freaking out. I still find that odd, but I guess it would have been worse if I was scared.  

Anyway, since I don't feel like getting into all those hospital details right now, the end result of all that was eleven staples to the back of my head and a bruised brain. 

And it doesn't end there. Two days later I was getting ready to go out and get some fresh air when I passed out again. Luckily this time my Mom was standing there to catch me and gently put me on the ground so I didn't hurt myself again. This time when they woke me up from the bathroom floor I was scared and far from calm. I didn't need an ambulance this time, but I did have to go back to the hospital and spend the night for observation. 

I'm just going to give the general details because my head is still kind of sore and I don't want to give all the details because they still scare me too. I felt the need to write it out though in the process to get back to normalcy. The reason behind why I fainted this time was because I was low on protein and apparently get low blood pressure when I go to stand up for a long period of time. All the while run down from a minor sickness that was running through my system. 

Right now my headache of four days is finally gone. My energy is starting to come back as I'm able to get food into my system even with a lack of appetite. I don't leave the couch without a pile of pillows either. I'm okay when I stand up, it's just that my eyes and head are still...off but that's a result of my bruised brain. And my staples are sore if I sit back on them by accident, and my ears ring occasionally. I also get random bursts of laughter, but that's not really that unusual for me. The main problem is the paranoia of fainting again because it's terrifying not having control over my body and not being able to stop it. 

I hope that I can get back to normal again soon. It would be nice to be able to get back to being able to enjoy my summer instead of being stuck on the couch the whole time. I just have to keep thinking positive thoughts and I'll get there. 

I Made It!

I just woke up and it hit me. This is it. High school is over.

And you know what I did? I smiled. 

I thought I'd be more emotional honestly. I kept thinking that I'd get home and start bawling my eyes out because of this HUGE change in my life. The disruption of a routine, the loss of comforting familiar faces, at least having an inkling as to what was coming next... the list goes on. 

But looking back at all the pictures from senior year, even all through high school, I realized that I'll always have the memories of the time spent with all those wonderful people. I shouldn't waste time being upset when I should be celebrating this major milestone and looking forward to the journey still ahead of me! I mean, of course I'll be sad, but I won't let it consume me. Not this time. 

I can't believe I made it to this point in my life already. Yesterday, after I sat back in my chair after getting my diploma, I looked it over in my hands and realized how real the moment was. Up until then everything had been a blur. I wasn't able to simply think about being in the moment until that very second.

I'm a high school graduate!

And so the Overwhelming Mix of Emotions Begins...

I graduate high school in eight days. 

This fact just hit me, and boy did it hit hard. Last weekend I thought to myself, "Oh, there's still plenty of time left. Nothing to worry about!" Well, I was wrong. Eight days is not a lot of time.  

I want to cheer and cry at the same time. It's bittersweet, really is what it is. I want to be done with all this unnecessary stress, yet at the same time I'm going to miss a lot too. 

I'll miss the routine of going to school, and all the great teachers I had and the great classes I had the opportunity of taking. I'm going to miss all the great memories that happened over these past four years. I feel like they are real and actually happened while I'm still connected to the school. I'm afraid that they'll fade once I leave and they'll only be as if I imagined them all. I don't want the good memories to disappear. I don't even want the bad memories to disappear either because they make my experience that much more believable and real. 

I never want to forget all the people who have made my high school experience amazing in one way or another. All the teachers who believed in me, the bus driver who got me to and from school safely every day for the past four years, all the friends who made each day of school worth it, and the friends who made me smile and laugh. The Senior Prom date who made me feel special and important for once and treated me with respect, and helped to make that night the best it could ever possibly be. The Marine Bio teacher who wrote a message in my yearbook that I will always repeat in my head every single day and live by his words. The World History teacher who still cared about his students two years after they moved on and continued to email them with inspiring messages to make the long stretch towards graduation worth it, and to let them know that they aren't alone. The boy who stole a slow dance at Senior Prom and ended it with a spin that made me feel bubbly and break out into a smile that stuck with me for the entirety of that night. 

There have been so many other parts of the past four years that were wonderful too, but these were the ones that really stick out to me at this moment in time. 

It's the little things in my life that have the most meaning. I don't always like to focus on the big picture. All the little details that make up that picture are much more enjoyable and important. I feel like you'd miss the whole point if you didn't look deeper and take the time to appreciate it all.

This is just one wave of the spiraling emotions that are being hurled my way. Trust me, within the next few days there will be many, many, more. They'll range from feeling optimistic about graduating to wanting to just cry because it's ending. I just have to keep telling myself that it's all a normal part of this journey though.  

Fairy Gardens!

Lately my family has become obsessed with making fairy gardens. The whole weekend has pretty much been dedicated to this! Today we went to Salem Herb Farm and found a ton of unique plants to put in our gardens. 

Fairy gardens

"Unicorn". Seriously, that's the name of this plant! It's super cool. 

Overhead view of my fairy garden. 

It's still a work in progress, but I think it looks really cool right now as is. More posts will come about my garden as I continue to add to it! :)  

Planting Myself at Green Mountain College

Yesterday I went to the spring Open House at Green Mountain College and after that experience I feel absolutely positive that I made the right choice in applying there. I love everything about this college! The professors were talking about how they care about their students and want to help them become the best they can possibly be. Current students talked about how close the campus community is. Nobody judges each other, and they are all one big welcoming family. Even just walking through campus, every single person I passed would smile and say "hello!" or want to start up a conversation that made me feel like I was truly important and worth paying attention to. 

Open House welcome gift: Tomato seeds! :) 

These seeds were planted with all my hopes for my college experience there for the next four years. And as these seeds grow, so will I. As these small, fragile tomato seeds start to sprout, branch out and become healthy, strong plants, I will grow and become the well rounded individual that I was meant to be.   

GMC seeds, soil blocks, and a dibble :) 

After yesterday I've felt so inspired. I was starting to give up on my writing and photography, but now I feel incredibly motivated to continue with my passions and not let anything get in my way. That's the other thing I love about GMC. It's an environment where people can explore their passions and do what they love without being criticized or told that they will never be successful with what they want to do. Professors there want to help students become successful no matter what their passions are. 

Tomato seeds planted in the soil blocks.

I feel like I'll be able to grow at Green Mountain College. I'll get stronger and be able to break out of my shell. I won't be afraid of everything, I'll get involved in activities, and be able to just be myself. 

I look forward to this incredible journey ahead of me!