I just woke up and it hit me. This is it. High school is over.
And you know what I did? I smiled.
I thought I'd be more emotional honestly. I kept thinking that I'd get home and start bawling my eyes out because of this HUGE change in my life. The disruption of a routine, the loss of comforting familiar faces, at least having an inkling as to what was coming next... the list goes on.
But looking back at all the pictures from senior year, even all through high school, I realized that I'll always have the memories of the time spent with all those wonderful people. I shouldn't waste time being upset when I should be celebrating this major milestone and looking forward to the journey still ahead of me! I mean, of course I'll be sad, but I won't let it consume me. Not this time.
I can't believe I made it to this point in my life already. Yesterday, after I sat back in my chair after getting my diploma, I looked it over in my hands and realized how real the moment was. Up until then everything had been a blur. I wasn't able to simply think about being in the moment until that very second.
I'm a high school graduate!
I graduate high school in eight days.
This fact just hit me, and boy did it hit hard. Last weekend I thought to myself, "Oh, there's still plenty of time left. Nothing to worry about!" Well, I was wrong. Eight days is not a lot of time.
I want to cheer and cry at the same time. It's bittersweet, really is what it is. I want to be done with all this unnecessary stress, yet at the same time I'm going to miss a lot too.
I'll miss the routine of going to school, and all the great teachers I had and the great classes I had the opportunity of taking. I'm going to miss all the great memories that happened over these past four years. I feel like they are real and actually happened while I'm still connected to the school. I'm afraid that they'll fade once I leave and they'll only be as if I imagined them all. I don't want the good memories to disappear. I don't even want the bad memories to disappear either because they make my experience that much more believable and real.
I never want to forget all the people who have made my high school experience amazing in one way or another. All the teachers who believed in me, the bus driver who got me to and from school safely every day for the past four years, all the friends who made each day of school worth it, and the friends who made me smile and laugh. The Senior Prom date who made me feel special and important for once and treated me with respect, and helped to make that night the best it could ever possibly be. The Marine Bio teacher who wrote a message in my yearbook that I will always repeat in my head every single day and live by his words. The World History teacher who still cared about his students two years after they moved on and continued to email them with inspiring messages to make the long stretch towards graduation worth it, and to let them know that they aren't alone. The boy who stole a slow dance at Senior Prom and ended it with a spin that made me feel bubbly and break out into a smile that stuck with me for the entirety of that night.
There have been so many other parts of the past four years that were wonderful too, but these were the ones that really stick out to me at this moment in time.
It's the little things in my life that have the most meaning. I don't always like to focus on the big picture. All the little details that make up that picture are much more enjoyable and important. I feel like you'd miss the whole point if you didn't look deeper and take the time to appreciate it all.
This is just one wave of the spiraling emotions that are being hurled my way. Trust me, within the next few days there will be many, many, more. They'll range from feeling optimistic about graduating to wanting to just cry because it's ending. I just have to keep telling myself that it's all a normal part of this journey though.
