My First College Essay

My first college essay was one that I was afraid to hand in. I put a lot of effort into making it perfect. It's always frightening to hand in an essay to a new teacher without knowing how they grade, and at a college level I wasn't sure what to expect. 

My professor was handing back all the essays, but she didn't call my name. She still had one left and she took me aside at the end of class. I was terrified. I knew I had probably screwed it up, or it was the worst possible essay in the world or I missed the whole point of the assignment. What she said wasn't the case at all.

She told me my essay  was amazing and didn't need to be revised because my writing was concise and clear, and all the formatting was perfect. She told me it was a great paper and that she was glad I was an elementary education major because they needed more people who knew how to write. 

I was shocked. (In a good way!) I couldn't get rid of that smile on my face as I walked back to my dorm. This was something new for me. All last year the highest I would get on an essay was a B. And it was always a low B on the verge of a C. I worked so darn hard last year to improve my essays. I'd ask the teacher for help, I'd get other people to review it and give me tips, I'd spend so much time trying to write an "A" worthy paper but I never succeeded. I got the impression that I was a terrible writer and my self confidence last year waned. 

I don't feel stupid or worthless here. That is one big difference between my high school and the amazing college I attend now. Professors here actually want to help students succeed in life, not tell them to figure everything out on their own and fail. 

Now my professor told me to keep up the good work, but she helps me improve even more on my writing because there's always something you can improve on. So now I feel good about myself because I'm being told I'm doing something right for a change instead of being told I fail at everything. 

College is turning out to be a wonderful experience for me so far!  

A Wonderful Beginning

I've been at college for a little over a week and it has inspired me in so many ways! I'm finally situated in the place I'll call home for the next four years.  

I can't get over how incredibly friendly everyone is here! It's a huge change from my high school. The aspect of community here is huge. There is SO much I want to talk about because it's so wonderful! So many new experiences!

It's weird, I know, but I'm not used to people being so nice. And to wanting to get to know me and care about my well-being. Outside of my family, nobody has really been like that before. Only people I've met here have. I haven't been this happy in such a long time! Or free, and relaxed, and...comfortable.

I've found a great group of people who I can be myself with and not worry about being judged. I'm not afraid to leave my comfort zones here and experience all there is this college has to offer. I've experienced gong meditation which is extremely weird, yet relaxing at the same time. I'm getting involved in clubs that I never would have thought would interest me before. It's all about finding out who I am and who I want to be as an individual. I feel that this college is the best place to do that. 

Basically what I've taken away from these past two weeks are: Live in the moment. There's no need to hurry or rush, just go with the flow. Know the obligations and the responsibilities, but don't stress about them, or dwell on them until they happen. Be free, be happy, love life!

I Made It!

I just woke up and it hit me. This is it. High school is over.

And you know what I did? I smiled. 

I thought I'd be more emotional honestly. I kept thinking that I'd get home and start bawling my eyes out because of this HUGE change in my life. The disruption of a routine, the loss of comforting familiar faces, at least having an inkling as to what was coming next... the list goes on. 

But looking back at all the pictures from senior year, even all through high school, I realized that I'll always have the memories of the time spent with all those wonderful people. I shouldn't waste time being upset when I should be celebrating this major milestone and looking forward to the journey still ahead of me! I mean, of course I'll be sad, but I won't let it consume me. Not this time. 

I can't believe I made it to this point in my life already. Yesterday, after I sat back in my chair after getting my diploma, I looked it over in my hands and realized how real the moment was. Up until then everything had been a blur. I wasn't able to simply think about being in the moment until that very second.

I'm a high school graduate!

And so the Overwhelming Mix of Emotions Begins...

I graduate high school in eight days. 

This fact just hit me, and boy did it hit hard. Last weekend I thought to myself, "Oh, there's still plenty of time left. Nothing to worry about!" Well, I was wrong. Eight days is not a lot of time.  

I want to cheer and cry at the same time. It's bittersweet, really is what it is. I want to be done with all this unnecessary stress, yet at the same time I'm going to miss a lot too. 

I'll miss the routine of going to school, and all the great teachers I had and the great classes I had the opportunity of taking. I'm going to miss all the great memories that happened over these past four years. I feel like they are real and actually happened while I'm still connected to the school. I'm afraid that they'll fade once I leave and they'll only be as if I imagined them all. I don't want the good memories to disappear. I don't even want the bad memories to disappear either because they make my experience that much more believable and real. 

I never want to forget all the people who have made my high school experience amazing in one way or another. All the teachers who believed in me, the bus driver who got me to and from school safely every day for the past four years, all the friends who made each day of school worth it, and the friends who made me smile and laugh. The Senior Prom date who made me feel special and important for once and treated me with respect, and helped to make that night the best it could ever possibly be. The Marine Bio teacher who wrote a message in my yearbook that I will always repeat in my head every single day and live by his words. The World History teacher who still cared about his students two years after they moved on and continued to email them with inspiring messages to make the long stretch towards graduation worth it, and to let them know that they aren't alone. The boy who stole a slow dance at Senior Prom and ended it with a spin that made me feel bubbly and break out into a smile that stuck with me for the entirety of that night. 

There have been so many other parts of the past four years that were wonderful too, but these were the ones that really stick out to me at this moment in time. 

It's the little things in my life that have the most meaning. I don't always like to focus on the big picture. All the little details that make up that picture are much more enjoyable and important. I feel like you'd miss the whole point if you didn't look deeper and take the time to appreciate it all.

This is just one wave of the spiraling emotions that are being hurled my way. Trust me, within the next few days there will be many, many, more. They'll range from feeling optimistic about graduating to wanting to just cry because it's ending. I just have to keep telling myself that it's all a normal part of this journey though.  

Accepted!

Every day after school the first thing I've done is look through the mail for a letter from Green Mountain College. Yesterday was the day I got it. 

The mail man came, and I watched with my face pressed up against the window, looking for a letter with green lettering on it. My dad brought the mail in and there was the envelope that could only mean one thing; I was accepted. 

My excitement started to take over then. I actually got a paper cut opening the envelope I was so eager to read what was inside! As I opened it and read through the letter, the word "Congratulations!" was all I needed before the jumping around with joy and the "OMG I got in! I got in!" began. 

This makes me so incredibly happy because Green Mountain College is my dream school. I had been worrying about whether or not I would get in ever since I submitted my application. I kept telling myself that whatever happened would be for a reason and that if I didn't get accepted it would be because it wasn't the path I should be on. However, yesterday assured me that I'm going in the right direction! 

 

I believe that GMC is where I'm supposed to go next in my life. It just feels right to me, like I belong there. 

And so the journey continues. :) 

I Love Reading, but...

I don't know whether the books for summer reading are all generally boring or if its just the fact that I'm basically forced to read the books that's making summer reading so irritating. I have to read The Poison Wood Bible and Jane Eyre for AP English. I'm not really enjoying them. Actually, that's not entirely true. I haven't read Jane Eyre yet. 

I mean, The Poison Wood Bible was okay, but I didn't understand all the religious references. I'm not particularly religious myself so I feel like I'm at a disadvantage here. Hopefully all the metaphors and symbolism I found isn't completely off because there aren't any religious references. I just have to wait two weeks to find out I suppose. 

Now I'm starting Jane Eyre. It seems like it will be interesting. 

It's such torture to be forced to read books that I didn't originally want to read when there are a whole shelf of books I want to read sitting right next to me calling my name.  

"Read us? Read us, please? We are so lonely sitting here on this shelf." 

Aww, those poor books! They just have to wait until after I finish my summer reading assignments. As hard as it is to ignore their pleading...

Vermont Summer Academy

I'm back home after spending one of the best weeks of my life in Vermont. I went to a summer camp at Green Mountain College and all I can say is that words can't ever sufficiently describe how amazing it truly was. It was a relaxing week where I could get away from stress and have some fun. I made a ton of new friends who I miss already and it's only been one day away from them all! Every day I had a group of people to talk to about anything whenever I wanted to. It was comforting to have such kind people around me. I loved how nobody formed separate cliques. The whole camp came together as one so nobody was ever left out or lonely. The environment was an accepting one so everyone felt like they belonged there. 

Green Mountain College 

Class was for six hours a day with lunch in between. There were only three students in my Creative Writing class which I actually preferred because it made it more personal to get to know everyone individually as a writer, and it was more comfortable to share work with the group. I was so used to having different rules and restrictions for writing that I felt free when the teacher basically said that anything we wrote was acceptable and there weren't any restrictions on creativity in the class. I thought he was a wonderful writing teacher for that. Creativity just happens when I write and having restrictions interrupts it. Another big thing he emphasized was that the best thing a writer can do is to get out and observe everything around them. It makes a stronger writer when they are able to write about what they know and observe. I completely 100% agree with that. 

I got to get a feel for college and dorm life that week. Specifically life at Green Mountain College. I was already planning on applying there before but after this experience I am definitely sure about it. This is my top choice for college right now. It's perfect for me because the campus and class sizes are small and the teachers actually care about your education rather than at a giant university where I would just be another face in the crowd. I love their mission to be environmentally friendly on campus. The organic farm where nothing is grown with pesticides is right up my alley too. 

Each day was absolutely amazing. I'm glad I went against all my fears about trying something new. I walked into camp feeling nervous and doubtful. I walked out with more confidence and a ton of new friends. :)  

It Started When...

My guidance counselor told me I wasn't going to be successful as a writer. But, what does she mean by "successful"? Most likely she means the money aspect of it which isn't really my top priority. Sure, getting paid for my writing would be awesome, but it isn't the reason why I write. My definition of success is doing something I'm passionate about and to be able to enjoy work instead of dreading it. Getting my words out there into the world to share with others is what I aim for. To have them get attached to characters I create or stay up all night because they won't be able to put my work down is a possibility that makes me happy whenever I think about it. If I'm able to accomplish all that, then I would say that I'm successful. I know the amazing feeling I get when I get sucked into a book that consumes my entire day. That's the kind of experience I want to create for someone else. I'm not looking to get famous or rich.

Of course I had to choose something else I wanted to do with my life because if I didn't then she'd go on to tell me that I'll never make it in the world. She told a kid that he's stupid and will never make it into a good college so I could only imagine what she'd tell me if I refused to give up my top career choice. Luckily I also enjoy teaching. So currently my goal is to major in Elementary Education and maybe minor in Creative Writing. I understand that it's good to have a degree so I can get a teaching job while working towards my writing goals, but it's just that fact that she told me I'd never be successful at doing something I love that really got on my nerves.